What's Left of Me
by HopefulMe
Summary: Sirius and the rest of the Marauders have left Hogwarts. Now they mustn't only face the world outside of their comfort zone but they must deal with a young woman appearing in their life. One who they mustn't become attached to, at all, under no circumstances…


**What's Left of Me**

**Summary:**Sirius and the rest of the Marauders have left Hogwarts. Now they mustn't only face the world outside of their comfort zone but they must deal with a young woman appearing in their life. One who they mustn't become attached to, at all, under no circumstances…

**Pairings:** Sirius/Hermione

"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved." - William Jennings Bryan

_1977_

During all the years that they had attended Hogwarts Lily had never allowed herself to be fooled by James Potter. That was part of the reason why Sirius knew that something was different when James managed to fool her that according to tradition all graduating students were supposed to be partying the entire week up until graduation. He remembered leaning back on the chair with a smirk on his face. One eye on the page of the book he was currently attempting to read, one eye on Lily's face as he waited for her to deliver some smashing comment that would most likely make him howl with laughter.

This time however Lily had merely leaned over James, one hand on his shoulder and placed a kiss on his lips before nodding.

"Whatever you say, darling." She had replied with a smirk before saying something about going to help some friend with her homework.

Even James had been shocked, and for a very long time the two friends had watched the door. Almost as if they were waiting for Lily to return laughing at the fact that they had fallen for her trick. But she never showed and when James asked her that very night if she was ready to sneak off to London with him and Sirius; he had found her already dressed and waiting. And so they had been partying somewhat calmly up until graduation. By that time both James and Sirius felt completely done with it which they both thought had been Lily's reason for saying yes to partying nonstop for a week. But stubborn as James was he had decided that he was going to party for one last night, even if it would kill him.

"We're old after this, Padfoot." James had said between throwing up.

The bathroom had been his permanent bedroom since their party-streak had started and Sirius had even gotten used to the empty bed next to him.

Hence the reason why Sirius Black was currently standing, leaning against the wall of the pub with a cigarette between his lips. He could feel the vibrations of the music from inside the pub that combined with the screams and the growing numbers of drunken girls who would make him certain offers one could claim that Sirius was done for the night.

Sirius had always been what people would call attractive. When he was just a boy people would call him cute but mischievous. The adults that weren't his family would laugh at his cheeky comments and attempt to provide comfort in the letters they would send to his parents by saying that 'Sirius will calm down one day, I promise that he will outgrow this mischievous streak'. At the age of eighteen going on nineteen he was proud to say that they had thus far been wrong.

He still had the curly, brown hair which always seemed to fall into the right place despite Sirius making very little effort. His body remained fit and muscular despite very little exercise and his hazel eyes appeared made him look as if he was constantly thinking about something naughty. That was part of the reason girls followed him around. His eyes made promises that he didn't wanna keep.

A familiar voice caused Sirius to look into the pub. A flash of red hair confirmed his thoughts, James were completely wasted and had gone from whispering sweet compliments in Lily's ear to screaming them loud enough to make everyone in England hear. Normally Sirius would be right there with him. He would be as drunk, if not drunker than James and he would scream the craziest things at the top of his lungs knowing happily that he wouldn't remember what he had said the next day. He would fall asleep and then the next morning Lily Evans would be grinning like a mad woman as she got to tell him everything. They both gained something from it and Sirius could even admit to liking those moments he had with her. Somewhere along the road Lily had turned from James' girlfriend into Sirius friend, maybe even one of his best friends.

Therefore it wasn't strange that she too had noticed that something was wrong with him. James, Remus, Lily and even Peter had asked him what was wrong the past week. The first couple of days he could blame the booze but after a while that excuse had been overused and none of his friends believed him. Today, thankfully they had forgotten to ask. Too caught up in the fact that they were graduating they had missed the fact that Sirius had been quieter today than ever before. Sirius sighed deeply as he looked down the road. He didn't want to tell them that this scared him more than anything. At Hogwarts they had been kids. They had talked about fighting evil but it had never gotten any further than that. All of the sudden they were grown up and leaving Hogwarts. Just the mere thought made his stomach turn. Leaving Hogwarts was like leaving the only home he ever had.

"Hey, look there he is, Sirius my best mate in the entire world, there you are," Sirius woke up from his thoughts with a huge smile and winked at Lily as he saw her following James.

"Here I am Prongs," Sirius replied with equal amount of happiness in his voice. He held his arms around James' neck as they leaned against each other. James eyes were hazy and it appeared as if he had trouble standing still, not falling asleep… everything seemed to be a struggle at this point. "Geez, you stink. How much have you had to drink tonight?"

"Probably a lot more than you had, dear friend of mine," James replied with a cheeky smile on his face. His eyes were partially closed when he suddenly turned around and almost making both of them fall down in the process. "Lily-flower, just how much did I drink tonight? This must be some kind of record?"

"I'm sure you're right love," Lily said laughing. "It probably wasn't the brightest idea to choose today as the day that you break your drinking record though. Since we have a very big day tomorrow, you do remember that right James?"

James eyes widened and he looked down at her with his mouth wide-open as he appeared to have understood what he meant.

"Are we getting married tomorrow?" he asked, all of the sudden sounding sad. Sirius and Lily shared a look, Sirius attempting not to laugh while Lily could feel her heart melt at the sound of his voice. "I'm in so much trouble if we are because I haven't gotten my surprise done yet and I really wanted to make this into the best day of your life. I can't screw that up; I haven't even fixed the white …"

Sirius placed his hand over his mouth making sure that James' last words came out muffled so that Lily wouldn't hear anything.

"Prongs you're not getting married tomorrow don't go and ruin your surprise." He said, only removing his hands after James had nodded several times.

"Then it wouldn't be a surprise anymore." He said with an astounded look on his face, making it seem as if he just realised that. "I'm so happy that you're my friend Sirius. Oh, what would I have done without you? You know what, don't answer that. I don't want to know because you're my best friend oh and Remus. He's my best friend too; I wouldn't want to get married without the two of you there. I love you guys, you're my boys. I love my boys."

That was the cue, not only to stop him from drinking anymore but to end the night.

"James, love I think we should go home not don't you think?"

"Yeah I think so. I think we should go home. I think Sirius should go home, he looks a bit green don't you think so?"

Lily merely nodded and patted his back as James placed his arms around her neck.

"Sure thing darling." She responded before moving her arms to make sure that she was holding him close to her. "Are you ready to leave, do you have your wand?"

"Yeah, I've got it somewhere." James muttered closing his eyes as he leaned even closer to Lily whom still appeared to be calm. "Is Sirius coming with us? You know we can't leave him cause he's like a brother and if we leave him he'll just end up going home to some slut and have sex but that won't make him any happier."

Sirius looked down on the ground, badly pretending not to have heard anything.

"He's just behind us, love." Lily responded squeezing Sirius hand and giving him a key before taking off into the night. For a very long time Sirius could hear the sound of James muttering the same thing over and over again which Lily answered equally patient every time.

He wanted that, Sirius thought every time. He didn't want Lily, or anyone like Lily. He just wanted what Lily and James shared. He wanted to love someone that much that dealing with them at their worst would be worth it as long as you got just a second of when they're at their best. At the age of almost nineteen Sirius had yet to meet anything like that and he was starting to lose faith.

Shrugging, and trying to think about anything but that Sirius stood up straight and took one final breath before walking towards the door. He just made it to the door when it was pushed open, and he almost fell to the ground, managing to compose himself by grabbing a hold of the thing closest to him.

"Whoa," he exclaimed as he pushed himself up again, quickly he turned around, ready to scream at the stupid bloke or whoever it was that had pushed him to the ground. But when looking around for the person responsible, he soon found himself looking into the deep brown eyes belonging to a woman.

Her hair was brown and curly and reached her waste. Her eyes had the same colour like really dark chocolate, the kind you could only eat tiny amounts of and then the strength got to you. She had a dark coat over her shoulders; the black jeans hugged her body in all the right places. All previous thoughts of screaming and yelling had vanished and instead he found himself, for the first time not being able to say anything.

"I am so sorry," the woman said looking at him with a nervous expression on her face; she gently touched her hair and moved it slightly, placing it behind her ear. "I didn't mean to push you."

Her voice sounded like bells, the way her mouth moved when she spoke to him had him mesmerized, her lips looked soft and he imagined what it would be like to kiss her.

"It's alright, no harm done," he replied, and stood awkwardly for a few seconds, before reaching his hand towards her. "I'm Sirius Black and you are?"

"A friend." She responded with a somewhat sad smile on her face. Sirius was just about to open his mouth when she spoke once more. "That's all you need to know for now. I'm a friend in desperate need of some alcohol and company to chase my nightmares away. Would you mind terribly staying with me?"

Despite the laughter that followed it didn't sound as if she was joking. Sirius watched her every movement, the way she kept her hand close to her wand in case she needed it. She appeared to be painfully aware of everything that was going on and reacted at the smallest of sounds. Deep, dark circles under her eyes revealed that she probably hadn't slept in a very long time.

He didn't know what it was but there was something drawing him in. This woman whoever she was woke something within Sirius that he had never felt before.

"I wouldn't mind at all." He responded and followed her into the bar.

**Authors Note: **I found a bunch of fanfics on my computer that I haven't posted. I thought I'd give it a go and see if you guys like it. If you do like any of them, review and I might continue! EDIT: I changed the first chapter quite a lot!


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